


Caged Bird

by NippyLou



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, Birds, Death, F/M, Freedom, Hope, I dont really know how else to tag this, Infection, Love, M/M, Time - Freeform, Virus, Zombie Apocalypse, caged Bird, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NippyLou/pseuds/NippyLou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time isn't kind. It doesn't stop for anyone. It never has and never will.  Louis finds this out the hard way.<br/>Loosely based off the poem Caged Bird featuring zombies and side Ziam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Crimson; that’s what haunted his vision. Crimson stained concrete, crimson splattered cloth, and crimson streaked hands. Screams echoed through his mind, ricocheting off the corners of his skull and causing his ears to ring. The sun hung heavy in the sky sending waves upon waves of heat rippling across the asphalt. He felt like he was suffocating, suffocating on the heat, suffocating on the sweat that stained his skin and suffocating on his own memories, choking on the remnants of what used to be his life. The riffle slung over his shoulder weighed him down as if he were carrying the weight of the world. He might as well be carrying the eight of the world on his back. He’s seen things no one should have to see and done things no one should ever have to do. He just wanted to find some place to rest for the night; to slip into darkness and dream of his life before the virus broke out, before everyone he knew and loved got sick and died, before those who died came back. Life was sweeter back then, filled with toothy smiles of his sisters, music that was a notch too loud, and a home that smelt of his mum’s cooking in every crevice. He often wondered if they made it out of Doncaster safely. The last time he talked to his mum she had informed him that most of Doncaster was now a ghost town, considering, and they were going to try and make it to London where there were rumors of safe zones. That was almost a month ago, before the tower receptions died out. With oceans between him and home, he had no way of contacting his family; no way of knowing if they were still alive. He regretted leaving the comfort of his home for the states. He started regretting it the moment he stepped foot onto the plane bound for Florida. Florida was a long way from home, even if he were only supposed to be there for the summer earning student exchange credit for his drama courses. The only good things that had come from his time in Florida was befriending another fellow exchange student, Zayn, and meeting his girlfriend, Eleanor.  
  
  
A hand came out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks and pulling him from his thoughts. His first instinct was to reach for Eleanor’s hand. When the space beside him didn’t react to his extended hand; he sighed, remember the thing he longed to forget. Zayn nodded towards the ground in front of them. Bird carcasses littered the abandoned street decomposing in the blistering Florida heat. Birds, they were the first to go; falling from the sky like rain, dead before they even hit the ground. It was a phenomenon that had puzzled scientist and questions still remained unanswered. Louis remembered walking down the beach hand in hand with Eleanor, relishing the way the sand crept between his toes with each step and the crash of the waves breaking on shore; that’s when the birds started to fall; the first one landing several yards in front of them, startling a woman lounging in the sun, the second one landed in front of them. Every bird that had been circling the sky above them just came soaring back to earth with a dull thud. Those that were hopping around on the sandy shores just fell over. Louis distinctly remembered the way Eleanor had squeezed his hand so tight he had lost circulation as they ran back to their car, desperate to get back home away from the horror that was slowly filling the beach. They found Zayn perched on the couch back at their apartment; the local new cast was covering the event that seemed to be taking place all over the world. Birds dropping off like flies for no apparent reason. Specialists were trying to blame the instance on ‘drastic atmospheric pressure changes’ and Louis wasn’t buying it. It was a mere four hours later when people started to get sick. Headaches, nausea, retching, seizures…death. Hospitals were overflowing with people complaining of those symptoms. They were dying. But those that died just didn’t stay dead. News anchors were begging people to stay inside and keep their doors locked. Emergency numbers remained swamped and by day three, the outside world seemed like a ghost town. Louis hoped that most people had left town while they could and were in a safe zone that the anchors had spoken of. He wouldn’t know for sure seeing as to how the news broadcasts just stopped. By day eight, Louis, Eleanor, and Zayn had no choice but to leave the safety of their apartment. They needed food and hoped they would run into someone that could help them, maybe someone could tell them what was happening. Of course Louis found out that things don’t always go according to plan.  
  
  
  
Louis side stepped the dead bird; blood caked tufts of dry and brittle feathers swayed lightly in the warm breeze from the ocean. Salty air stung his chapped lips and made him more aware of his thirst. They had been walking for hours without stopping. The paranoia of running into someone that once was alive was eating away at them. Their sense remained on high alert, even when they slept. It was like their minds had been reprogrammed to automatically wake up at the first signs of danger. It was a no-brainer that Louis was exhausted. He just needed to find somewhere he could get water and rest his leaded feet for a bit. Zayn came to a halt when a hunting supply store came into view. It was perfect timing, Louis could have sworn his knees were about to give out on him.  
  
  
  
  
They edged closer to the building, taking in the abandoned vehicles that lined the car lot. Louis hoped that one of them still contained keys and enough gas to get them to their next location. Car hopping wasn’t something he was fond of, neither was sifling gas from cars they had come across just to get them from one place to another. Eventually their preferred car had run out of gas and left them no choice but to walk. Three days of walking. Three days from searching cars for keys and attempting to hot wire several along the way with countless failed attempts. Hell, Louis didn’t know much about cars. He was going to school for drama not mechanics. Zayn hadn’t been any help either, constantly complaining about the predicament they landed themselves in like it had been Louis’ fault. He just hoped that this time they could find a car to use.  
Louis held his riffle close as they slowly entered the building. It’s better to be prepared than to be taken by surprise, Eleanor’s absence from his side was proof of that. The building appeared even larger on the inside leaving that much more space for something to be hiding in the shadows or just around a corner. If there were then Louis would be ready. Zayn lead the way through the racks of hunting clothing towards the coolers filled with food and fresh water, his shotgun gripped tightly in front of him. Precautions always came first. Weapons ready for whatever could be awaiting them. He stuck close to Zayn’s side, eyes wide and alert, scanning every space and cranny he could visibly see. He wasn’t taking chances. He took one once before and it resulted in the loss of El. He wasn’t going to risk Zayn or himself too. Zayn seemed to have the same train of thought as he pressed into Louis’ side, raising his shot gun a little higher. A rather loud grunt sounded from the left of them. Zayn’s body tensed and his pace slowed. Louis’ heart pounded against his rib cage like a wild animal ready to be released. He had done this before; maybe too many times than he cared to admit, just a quick tug of the trigger to release a bullet to the brain would do the trick. He hated having to be the one to do it though. He still saw them as people. People who used to have friends and family. People who were once _loved_. What choice did he really have? He was now living in a world where you had to kill to survive and those were not people. Not anymore. He cleared his head of all thoughts as they rounded the corner. Zayn halted in his tracks causing Louis to collide with him softly, biting down on his bottom lip to keep the sound of surprise from escaping as he saw what had made the noise.  
  
  
  
Blonde. Blonde hair, red shirt, khaki short and ridiculous red shoes; bent over a jerky rack and an overstuffed duffel bag resting on the floor beside the guy. Another person who wasn’t infected. Another person that could possibly help them. It had been ages since they had ran into another seemingly healthy person. He couldn’t quite remember the last time he spoke to someone other than Zayn or El. Was it the manager of a convenience store before the infected crawled out of the supply closet and attacked or was it the lady pushing a stroller down the side of the street headed straight for a group of infected? Louis never got the chance to warn her. He tried calling for her, tried to run after her. What if that had been a baby in the stroller? But Zayn had held him back, told him it was useless. Then he had heard her screams. He wanted to help, to try and save her, but Zayn had held on to him with a firm grip, tugging him along the empty shopping center away from the screams and groans that echoed off the pavement below his feet. That was the worst day of Louis’ life, he thought, before El. Zayn cleared his throat, clearly startling the guy that was shoving jerky bags into his duffel. The guy spun around, shiny pistol raised in alarm and a stick of jerk dangling between his lips. His vivid blue eyes widened at the sight of them. He looked clean. Freshly showered even. That gave Louis even more hope. The blue eyed boy tilted his head to the side without taking his eyes off of them.  
  
“Liam!”  
  
  
He shouted around the jerky still entrapped between his teeth. Louis was the first to lower his weapon. He didn’t have any need to harm someone that wasn’t infected and if the guy wanted to hurt them he would have already done it. He didn’t get any kind of dangerous vibes from the goofy blue eyed guy with jerky still dangling between his lips. Louis wondered if he was going to finish it. Zayn, on the other hand, didn’t seem to feel at ease. He still had his shotgun raised. Perhaps it was because the other guy still had his own pistol pointed at them. Louis offered a smile in hopes that it would calm the tension in the atmosphere. He wanted the guy to know they wouldn’t fire. Slowly, the guy lowered his gun and returned the smile just as another guy came around the far aisle toward is friend. Louis took note in the second boy’s appearance. He, too, seemed clean with his black singlet and red bandana tied around his forehead. He carried a duffel bag across one shoulder and a sawed off shotgun across his other. His big brown eyes studied Louis and Zayn for a moment before smiling and extending his hand.  
  
  
“Liam.”  
  
Zayn eyed Liam’s extended hand for a moment, lowering his gun and clasping his own hand in Liam’s. “Zayn,”  
Zayn released Liam’s hand and turned to Louis, “And this is Louis.” Without thinking, Louis gestured behind him, smile still plastered to his face. He was just happy to have found other people. “And this is-“  
  
The smile faltered when he noticed that the aisle behind him was empty of the presence he was searching for. Her name rested on the tip of his tongue and tasted like turpentine. He didn’t miss the puzzled expression that flashed across Liam’s face and the sympathetic frown on Zayn’s lips.  
“Louis, nice to meet you.”  
  
Louis nodded slowly, still feeling the vast emptiness behind him that should have been filled.  
“I’m Niall. We were just stocking up on more ammunition and some food before heading back.”  
  
  
  
The blue eyed boy offered up. Liam shot Niall a warning glare as if Niall had said something he shouldn’t have. Maybe Liam didn’t trust them quite yet, Louis didn’t blame him, they did just meet, but that didn’t stop Louis from feeling completely at ease with them. He didn’t have anything to hide, not anymore.  
After all introductions had been made and all weapons stowed away yet still within quick grabbing distance, the four guys began to wander around the hunting supply store, chatting and continuously adding more to their duffel bags. Louis learned that Niall and Liam had come from London over the summer to visit their friends, one being Niall’s girlfriend, that they had met while the girls had vacationed in London over a year ago. Louis found it really hard to understand why someone would keep a long distance relationship going for over a year while their girlfriend lived in the states; an ocean away from him. He did notice the way Niall’s eyes lit up when he spoke of ‘Cat’ and her best friend ‘Emma’. He could tell that Niall was really smitten, maybe even in love. _Love_. That as a concept that Louis had never grasped. He loved his mum and sisters. He loved Zayn. He loved El. But he has never been _in_ love. He didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. He never would have the chance to find out either. Even if by some odd chance he were to meet someone uninfected, there’s just no way would he allow himself to start up something that would end disastrously. Love always did, didn’t it? His mum and dad had claimed to be in love and that ended with divorce. And now, after everything that had occurred, disaster was inevitable. He was happy for Niall, happy that Niall still had something gold in a world of grey.  
“Do you have anywhere to go?”  
  
  
  
Niall had asked them once they had reached the Jeep Liam and Niall had been using. Duffel bags had been discarded into the back. Louis gripped his own full duffel close to his chest in fears that it would be taken alongside the other two. He knew his actions were being carefully noted by the way Liam was observing from the driver’s seat. He just couldn’t take the chance of the food and ammunition he had gathered to be taken from him. Him and Zayn _needed_ them. They were low on food and water and the sun was setting and they needed to find someplace to hide for the night. They hadn’t found any place to crash. Louis thought that maybe they could stay in the supply store for the night. It would give them a little more time to gather things they needed and then come morning they could search for a vehicle with keys and gas and make a break for the Georgia line. He wasn’t sure where they were going to go, to be honest. Just as long as he could leave the memories behind him. Running from the things he had seen, the things he had done, that’s what he was doing. He wasn’t ashamed to admit it either.  
“Figured we’d stay here for the night. Maybe find a car to use in the morning.”  
  
  
  
Louis didn’t miss the flash of sympathy that crossed Niall’s face nor the way Liam had pursed his lips. What did they expect them to say? ‘Yeah, we have a house full of people with clean water and plenty of food waiting for us.’ No, those people were long gone. His dorm was long gone. Hundreds of miles behind them and he wasn’t going to look back any time soon.  
  
  
  
“That just won’t do. Get in.” Liam jerked his head, motioning for them to climb into the back of the Jeep. Niall was positively beaming at Liam’s words like it was what he wanted. And who were they to turn down a place to sleep and possibly a hot shower? Louis sure as hell wasn’t going to say no.  
The sun had set, leaving the moon to guide them back to where they would be staying. Headlights couldn’t be trusted. It attracted _them_. Noise and light. Those were your worst enemies now. Night time only made someone more vulnerable to the infected. Night time made Louis nervous. The darkness dulled his vision; the pounding of his heart weakened his hearing. The overwhelming stench of death stayed with him constantly. Night only made this nightmare more real. He couldn’t escape it. It wasn’t like it used to be back home when he would curl up in his bed cocooned in his navy duvet, safe and warm, listening to the protests of his sisters of not wanting to go to bed yet and the heavy thud of footsteps on the wooden staircase after his sisters had lost the battle with their mum. It annoyed him then, wishing they would stop their belly-aching and just comply because he had to get up early and he liked his sleep. He liked the silence of his house when all had closed their doors and were tucked away in their own beds leaving him alone to think and fall asleep to the sound of the air conditioner kicking in rather loudly. He’d give anything to be back there now. Noisy air conditioner, protesting sisters, and all.  
  
  
  
  
He was lost in his own thoughts, not paying attention when Liam maneuvered the Jeep off the main road down a grimy dirt path surrounded by over grown shrubs and dying trees. He was lost in his own thoughts as the Jeep came to a stop and the others piled out. He was lost in his own thoughts until Zayn was snapping his fingers in Louis’ face. They had parked right by and embankment overlooking the ocean. The moon high in the sky, casting a pale yellow glow across the steady waves. The salty sea breeze licking at Louis’ lips. It was breath taking. Louis thought about staying here forever just watching the waves break on shore and basking in the moonlight. It was a heavenly thought, one that made him smile until he remembered that it was now impossible for something to remain beautiful for long. He released a breathy sigh and grabbed his duffel before climbing out of the back of the jeep and trailing behind Liam and Niall down a steep trail down the embankment. Louis was certain he would stumble over the rocks and twisted roots that rose from the ground, tangling together under his feet. Sand didn’t pose for a very sturdy surface under his tattered shoes. He didn’t question where they were headed, didn’t feel like it was his place to ask questions when they had generously offered them a place for the night. He felt lucky that they had run into such kind lads in an unlikely place to begin with. He did note that the walk from the embankment as rather long and wondered how they were to make an escape if it were needed, then again if they had a house out this far he didn’t reckon many people had lived out this far and it mustn’t be crawling with the infected. Soon enough a brightly lit house overlooking the ocean came into view. The soft thuds of music met his ears and Louis thought he hadn’t heard a more lovely sound in his life. He had always loved music. Breathed music when he wasn’t consumed with drama classes. It was a gift that he found intense and ate away at him from the inside. It had been so long since he last heard a single note of music until now. The lights seeping from the exposed windows made him panic, however. What is a crawler was close enough to see it? One thing was for certain, if they had electricity then they had hot water and he longed for a steamy shower to rid his skin of all remnants of the past month. He didn’t want it lingering on his skin and seeping into his pores any more than it already had. He wanted to feel the water swirl down his naked body and the soap cleanse his past away and wash it down the drain where it belonged. He wanted to start fresh and feel the world lift off his shoulders. He wanted to feel free from everything that was burdening him. He wasn’t expecting to be greeted by three more faces when they entered the house. He definitely wasn’t expecting them to be smiling like there wasn’t a bloody war going on outside. But there he was, standing in a spacious living room/kitchen combo staring into the eyes of people who looked happy and care free. He was envious. He wanted that feeling back. He wanted to know their secret to remain happy while the entire world was slowly dying. He didn’t dare ask though.  
  
  
  
Niall bounded up a pretty red head with bright hazel eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead, the smile on his face was absolutely shining. So that must be hat love looks like; looking at someone like they are the only person they see, like the sun shines out of that person’s ass. No, he definitely didn’t feel that way about El. El was just someone to keep him company. He liked her plenty, she was funny and witty, but he had never actually fallen in love with her. He shifted his weight to his left foot and continued to watch Niall and Cat interact. It was intriguing to see how they spoke softly and couldn’t stop touching the other, like it was crucial to be touching at all times. Someone cleared their throat, breaking the spell Louis had been under. His gaze shifted up from where Niall and Cat had been holding hands to meet clear blue eyes and ginger hair. Louis’ jaw all but hit the floor. He recognized the guy standing in front of him immediately. Ed Sheeran, internationally famous singer/song writer and one of Louis’ favorite artists.  
  
“No way. Ed Sheeran!” His voice came out high pitched and more excited than he had planned. Ed broke out into a toothy smile and nodded his head.  
“That would be me. A fan I’m assuming?”  
  
Louis nodded his head vigorously, “Your song Autumn Leaves is one of my favorites.”  
  
He was all but gushing now and fully aware of the amused expression on Zayn and Liam’s faces, but he just didn’t care. Ed Sheeran, the single artist that could capture his moods in a simple line, was standing in front of him amidst all the chaos in the world. Ed let out a hearty chuckle, “I’m glad, mate.”  
  
Zayn took the opportunity to introduce them both to Ed and his girlfriend, Emma. Louis thought Emma as a beautiful girl with her flowing brunette hair and sparkling brown doe eyes, he could see why Ed fancied her. She stared at Ed the same way Niall stared at Cat, it didn’t take a fool to realize they, too, were in love and suddenly Louis felt like he was missing a piece of himself. He always knew he was never whole and now he understood why. He was missing a piece that completed anyone’s life. He was missing love. It wasn’t acceptable. He would never find love and he would make damn sure it never found him. His only concern now was to survive as long as he could.  
  
  
  
He hated to break up the conversations going on around him, but he could feel the sand in his shoes and the dirt caked on his skin and he could taste the salt from the ocean lingering on his lips. He wished to take a shower. He needed one. Emma only smiled her now familiar friendly smile and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom but warned him that it may be occupied which only confused him slightly. He thought he had met everyone in that group, but clearly there was one more face he had yet to familiarize himself with. Hopefully that face could wait a bit because he only had one thing on his mind and that was to wash away all the filth his life had become. He reached the door he assumed was the bathroom, seeing as to how it was the only door down the hallway that currently had light seeping out around the bottom of the door, and reached for the knob just as it twisted on its own. Louis froze, not knowing if he should stand there or move back. He didn’t have time to decide as the door swung open, steam billowing out in thick wisps. His eyes first met smooth skin stretched out over the beginning signs of abs leading down to prominent hip bones accented with a deep V line half covered by a low slung purple beach towel. His eyes shot up to the face that possessed the godly body and was instantly mesmerized. A chin bearing slight stubble, pink lips containing the perfect bow, cheek bones barely visible under full cheeks, and the greenest eyes he had ever seen in his life. Eyes that could peer into your soul and read every thought. A hand, much larger than his own, came up and swept through the dark hair that was plastered to the side of the guys face. Louis knew he was staring, knew he should say something to break the silence, but his mind had been cut off from his mouth. Nothing was coming out like it was supposed to. Those luscious lips quirked up into an ungodly smile that nearly knocked Louis off his feet.  
  
  
“See something you like?”  
And Louis was gone. If the guys appearance didn’t fry his brain, that voice certainly did. It was deep and raspy and unlike anything Louis had heard and he certainly wouldn’t mind hearing it moan his name over and over in a state of excruciating bliss. His brain kicked in, the gears coming back to life slowly as he found his words again.  
“I was just- I need- shower?”  
Well, it wasn’t what he had expected to say, but at least his mouth was working again. The guy only continued to smile as he stepped around Louis, motioning with those large hands for Louis to go ahead.  
  
  
  
  
Louis would be lying if he said he didn’t continue to think of those pink lips, deep voice, and green eyes while he showered. Not even the hot water could deter his thoughts from that smile that had permanently etched itself into his mind. He was a goner. The only thing he could do was put his defenses back up and keep every thought of those hip bones, every urge to run his fingers down that taunt stretch of skin over the V at bay. He needed to sort his thoughts before he did something foolish like act upon them. Yeah, the sexual attraction was there and it was overwhelming. He had never been more physically attracted to someone as he was the moment he laid eyes on that face. And that was frightening. He shut off the water and wrapped the princess towel he had found behind the door around his waist. He didn’t think it through before he showered. He didn’t have clean clothes. He wasn’t about to put back on the dirty ones. No, that would only bring back the remainders of miles he had put between him and the past. He would rather walk around naked than have that come flooding back over him. Hesitantly, he opened the door and ventured back into the dimly light hallway. He wasn’t certain if he should go back out to the living room area and ask someone if they had spare clothes or if he should try to locate some on his own. It would probably be considered rude if he just took someone’s clothes without asking first. He mustered up all his courage and started heading back up the hall towards the jovial voices. But one voice stopped him in his wake. One voice that sounded smug and send a jolt of excitement spiraling down to the pit of his stomach.  
  
  
  
“I’m going to assume you need clothes.”  
Louis turned to see the guy standing in the door way of what Louis guess was his bedroom, now clad in grey sweat pants and a white v-neck t-shirt.  
“Not that I have any objections to what you’re wearing now, but I can loan you something more suitable.”  
Louis’ heart was in his throat, unable to form a proper sentence to accept the guy’s proposal; he just nodded and followed the guy through the open door. Tan walls, burgundy bed sheets, and a pillow discarded on the floor greeted Louis once he stepped through the doorway. The guy was busy going through drawers and pulling out shirts and sweat by the handful, tossing them over his shoulder as he went to grab more. Louis just stood back and observed the tornado of clothing being thrown carelessly about. The guy stood up with an “AHA!” and a smirk evident in his voice. The triumphant smile and shimmering green eyes greeted him with an extended handful of clothing. He took them with a grateful “Thanks” and eyed the guy suspiciously when he didn’t make a move to leave the room so Louis could dress in private.  
“Don’t tell me you’re shy.” That sinful smirk still etched across that perfectly sculpted face made the heat rise into Louis’ cheeks.  
“I’m not. I just-“ Louis didn’t really know what to say to this guy. Hell, he didn’t even know his name and he certainly didn’t want to get naked in from of him.  
“You shouldn’t be. You have a nice body. Harry.” The guy smiled. Louis was slightly offended.  
“I’m not hairy.”  
The guy barked out a rather loud laugh and clapped his hand over his mouth, shoulders still shaking from the muffled chuckles being released.  
“No, I meant my name is Harry.”  
Oh. Now Louis was just slightly embarrassed. “Louis.”  
Harry nodded, a small smile still playing at the corners of his perfect lips.  
“I’ll leave you to it, Louis.”  
  
  
  
And he did. As soon as the door was closed with Harry safely on the other side, Louis dropped the princess towel to the floor and tugged on the black boxer briefs Harry had given him. He examined the black v-neck shirt and grey sweats that were oddly similar to Harry’s. The cotton felt smooth and _clean_ between his fingertips. It was a lot better than having to wear the same clothes for weeks at a time.  
  
  
  
By the time Louis had joined Zayn and the others back in the living room, they had already cooked what smelt like pizza. Louis’ stomach growled with anticipation. He hadn’t had pizza in so long he had forgotten what it tasted like. Sure enough, Zayn, Liam, Niall, Ed, and Harry were digging into their own slices when Louis entered the kitchen. Cat and Emma were off to the side, heads bent close together in a quiet conversation, bottles of beer in their hands. It was like they were having a party and the world wasn’t going straight to hell outside the walls of this house. It was a wonder how they could push all negative thoughts out of their heads and smile as if nothing was wrong, as if people were not dying all over the world; being eaten alive by those that had been infected. Louis took a slice of pizza and slid into the empty seat next to Zayn. Zayn was engrossed with his conversation with Liam, yet he still managed to acknowledge Louis’ presence with a fond smile and a pat on the arm which Louis was grateful for. Harry caught his eye from across the table and smiled that too perfect toothy smile that did things to Louis’ heart that it probably shouldn’t do. Raising the slice of pizza to his mouth, Louis tried to ignore the intense gaze of Harry’s eyes. Thick tomato sauce enhanced with garlic spices, stringy mozzarella cheese, and fried bread lit his taste buds on fire with delight. He definitely missed this. Missed the taste of properly cooked food that he had taken for granted.  
  
  
“Enjoying that then, mate?”  
Ed was grinning at the small moan that rose from Louis’ throat after he swallowed the first bite.  
“Haven’t had proper food in a while, yeah?”  
Louis nodded in reply to Liam’s question while shoving another mouth full of pizza down his gullet.  
“Been surviving off of pop cans of soup and stale crackers.”  
Harry frowned at Louis’ reply. It didn’t please Louis to see a frown covering that beautiful face. A frown just didn’t belong there. It was out of place with the smile lines etched around those pink lips.  
“So Zayn was telling us you two had come from the cape. You’ve traveled quite a long distance.”  
Liam’s eyes were back to studying him, scrutinizing his every move, every word that Louis spoke, testing them in a sense that he didn’t understand quite yet.  
“No choice. Place was swarming, you know.”  
Liam nodded solemnly, “He told us about the girl too. I’m sorry about that, mate. That had to be tough.”  
  
  
The oxygen had been knocked from Louis’ lungs. He choked on the bits of chewed up food that lodged in his throat. Louis just wanted to _forget_. He didn’t need a constant reminder that he had failed El. He just didn’t need that. He pursed his lips and set his half eaten pizza back on the Styrofoam plate to excuse himself from the table. Fresh air and silence is what he needed most at the moment. His appetite had vanished when El was mentioned. It wasn’t hard to tell that Louis blamed himself for what happened. He was the very reason she wasn’t here now. Guilt ridden and angry with himself, Louis set off down the beach with the sounds of the waves crashing down to soothe his troubled mind.  
  
  
  
When Louis first met Eleanor, he thought she was stunning. Her long chestnut hair flowed smoothly over her shoulders; her large brown eyes sparkled with laughter that danced around his ears like a soft melody. He was smitten. Eleanor was quirky and quick witted; she knew how to put Louis in his place without making him feel like an utter idiot. That’s what he liked best about her, she as easy to converse with; free spirited and determined to always smile, confident in every way. He stopped walking when he came across a clear spot directly of the ocean. He savored the way the cool water lapped lazily over his bare toes and then retreated back before doing it again. This is what initially drew him to Florida; the warm weather, the endless sand, and the vast ocean. The fact that he got into the summer program for his drama courses offered in Florida had excited him. Spending a summer abroad was a chance of a lifetime and he was all for it. Saying goodbye to his family had been hard, but he promised he would return. He didn’t have any way of knowing that promise was empty. If he had a way he would go back home and try to find his mum and sisters. He could only pray that there was a God and he was looking after them.  
  
  
  
“There you are.”  
Louis startled at the voice beside him. He spun around to see Harry taking sitting down beside him. Harry’s eyes cast forward watching the way the moonlight danced across the water, reflecting hope and despair at the same time. Louis studied Harry’s profile, the ay the shadows seemed to swallow his features and the moon illuminating the sharp lines of his jaw. Harry really was a sight to behold. Louis wondered how someone so beautiful could even exist.  
“Did you love her?”  
And his heart sank to the depth of his stomach as Harry spoke.  
“I cared for her.”  
“But did you love her?”  
This time Harry turned his attention to Louis, green eyes scanning his face for any signs of hidden truths.  
“No.”  
  
  
It was that simple. No, Louis didn’t love her like someone should have if they were dating. Louis often thought about how it would have been if he had loved her. But he didn’t; he cared for her like he would care for his sisters or Zayn, there wasn’t the burning desire fueling his lungs when he kissed her, not white hot flames scorching his skin when they touched, just dull meaningless kisses and brushes on skin on skin that Louis should have enjoyed more than he did.  
“I lost my someone too. My sister.”  
Harry’s voice cracked with the last syllable. Louis wanted to cry for Harry. He couldn’t imagine losing one of his sisters. They meant the world to Louis so he could only imagine what it felt like for Harry to lose his. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, simply observing the ocean and basking in the comfortable breeze that caressed their faces. No words were needed in that moment. It was two people living in the same nightmare being thankful for having company while they were lost in their own thoughts.  
Louis woke up the next morning to bright green eyes peering down at him. He sighed thinking he could get used to waking up to those eyes. Harry and Louis had walked back towards the house slowly after sitting in silence for hours just watching the stars and being consumed by their relentless worries and thoughts of home. They walked slowly and spoke softly of their fears, wants, and loves. They gravitated towards each other like magnets, hands brushing occasionally and measly excuses to touch the other. Louis liked Harry. That’s all there was to it.  
  
  
  
  
“Wha’ time izzit?”  
Louis tried to pull the fleece throw back up around his chin, but Harry wasn’t having it.  
“Time to get up.”  
“Why?”  
“I want to show you something.”  
  
  
That’s all it took to get Louis up from the futon he was sharing with Zayn. He followed Harry onto the balcony of the beach house, mind still groggy with sleep. Harry rested his arms on the railing and leaned out into the warm summer air like a dog would stick its head out of a window during a car ride and Louis found it endearing. The sun was just beginning to show signs of waking up. Rays of light casting pink and orange hues into the azure sky. He couldn’t pin point the last time he watched the sun rise. It was a majestic sight, a memory Louis was sure to store for as long as he lived. He lost track of how long they stood that way, resting their weight on the railing and overlooking the ocean as the sun set itself high in the sky for another day that wouldn’t be taken for granted. Ed broke them from the spell when he sauntered out to join them.  
“Generator is down. Liam and I are going to fetch more fuel. Niall, Zayn, and Cat are going to gather wood for tonight. Watch after my girl?”  
Harry assured him they would keep a close eye on Emma. The protectiveness Ed had over her was astounding. Louis was sure that if he was in love that way he would be just as protective as Ed. He was sure of it.  
  
  
  
It didn’t take long for Ed and Liam to get the generator back up and running properly and shortly after Niall, Zayn, and Cat had returned with enough wood for a decent sized bon fire. Everyone busied themselves with preparations for tonight. Em and Cat were preparing the hotdogs and hamburgers to be cooked over an open flame, Niall and Ed were out on the beach setting up the pit to set the fire once the sun went down and Louis had lost track of Liam and Zayn. He did notice how the two guys were getting on like they were old friends being reunited after some time apart. It always came easy for Zayn to make friends and find the best in everyone. Louis was more enclosed and cautious when it came to letting people in. He was the one that wanted to leave so they wouldn’t become a liability for the courteous group. Everyone had shot down his plan to leave saying they were more than welcome to stay. Basically opening their home and their arms to the two guys they had run into in a hunting supply store. Harry stuck by Louis’ side the entire day, never letting Louis go more than a few feet away from him. It was strange and oddly adorable in Louis’ eyes. Harry reminded Louis of a kitten demanding attention and he had to resist the urge to run his fingers through Harry’s chocolate brown curls to satisfy his need for attention. Before Louis knew it, the sun was setting and Ed as lighting the fire on the beach. Panic bubbled inside Louis’ chest like Champagne being poured into a glass. What if the infected saw the flames? They could be in trouble then, the beach house didn’t pose for protection. The vehicle was too far for a quick getaway. Worry must have been etched into Louis’ features because it was Zayn who offered words of reassurance.  
  
“It’s alright, Lou. We have the guns.”  
Even if they were armed, Louis still couldn’t get the sinking feeling to subside. He was determined to enjoy tonight. He was determined to learn as much as physically possible about these people who welcomed them like old friends.  
They were all seated around the fire, Amber flames licking up against the dark night sky. Ed was strumming the notes to Autumn Leaves on his guitar. Niall and Cat were huddled together under a thin blanket on the ground. Liam and Zayn were off in their own little world sitting a little further down the beach just talking like they couldn’t get the words out soon enough. Louis was happy. Happier than he has been in a long while. Without thinking, he started to sing the lyrics to Autumn Leaves as Ed played. He memorized the lyrics from times when he would lock himself in his room and distract himself from his thoughts or try to drown out the angry shouts that seemed to reverberate off the walls. The song brought back memories of his mom and dad and the long nights he would lie awake holding his sisters in his arms while they slept after a long crying session. They weren’t the best memories, but Louis held onto them dearly. Those were the moments that made me vow to always protect his sisters from anything and everything. He had failed. A deeper raspier voice collided and swirled in with his own, harmonizing in all the right places sending goose bumps down his spine. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Harry’s head bent low, eyes closed, as if the song held a deeper meaning for him as well. The smile spreading across his face was inevitable. He couldn’t help but to stop singing and just listen as the words flowed from Harry’s mouth so smoothly, so serene, it was like stepping into an air conditioned room after spending hours in the summer sun; refreshing. Louis could get used to listening to him sing. But all too soon the song ended and so did Harry’s singing. Disappointment washed over him, wishing Harry would never stop singing. His breath caught in his throat when those deep green eyes turned toward him and those pink lips turned upwards. There were no words for the way Louis felt in that moment.  
  
  
  
The stars shone brightly like diamonds caught in the sunlight. Everyone else had long since headed back to the beach house claiming to be tired, leaving him and Harry alone with the sounds of their breathing and the crashing of waves to fill the silence. He was content just lying there staring up at the stars and getting sand in his hair just as long as Harry remained by his side through it all.  
“Some of the greatest stories ever told are written in the stars.”  
Louis shifted so he could look at Harry as he spoke.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah,” Harry gave him an affirmative, “Like Alcyone.”  
And well, Louis had no idea what that was. He looked back up at the stars in hopes that maybe one of them was shining brighter than the rest and would enlighten him on what Harry was on about.  
“She’s one of the seven sisters, the constellation Pleiad.”  
Louis snorted, “You’re into Greek Mythology?”  
Harry turned to look at him with a wide lop sided grin on his face,  
“Well yeah, I think the theories people came up with are really interesting. It’s no different than reading the bible in my opinion.”  
Louis couldn’t disagree with him. He wasn’t even sure if he believed in a God so he wouldn’t bash Harry’s opinions when his weren’t any more solid.  
“So tell me the story.”  
  
That pleased Harry, Louis could tell, he watched as Harry shifted back, curling his arms under his head and gazing up at the expansive sky above them.  
“Well, it’s said that she threw herself into the ocean after Ceyx drowned at sea in a storm and she transformed into a Halcyon. Legend has it that the Halcyon hen buries her dead mate in the winter before laying her eggs in a compact nest and sending it out to sea. The sea is calm for fourteen days and when the eggs hatch a cluster of birds cover the sky symbolizing the end of the winter solstice. But others say that the birds symbolize life and renewal.”  
Birds. Louis wasn’t fond of birds. Birds meant death and disaster. In Louis’ eyes, birds meant the end of the world.  
“Do you believe that? Birds symbolizing life and renewal, I mean.”  
Harry hummed thoughtfully, “I think birds symbolize freedom and hope.”  
And no, Louis didn’t agree this time. There wasn’t hope when the birds fell from the sky. There wasn’t freedom when the people started to die. He just didn’t see it that way. He couldn’t, not when he had witnessed so much disaster happen as a result of the birds.  
“I just- I don’t see it like that.”  
“You associate them with death because of what happened.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”  
“But to be able to spread your wings and fly whenever you want must be freeing.”  
“Not when you’re dead.”  
Harry was quiet for a moment and Louis feared he had said something wrong. He just couldn’t see it the way Harry did. Harry sighed softly before he spoke,  
“The free bird thinks of another breeze and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.”

 

 

It became a routine, like clockwork, Louis would wake up to gentle hands on his shoulders, low raspy voice whispering his name, green eyes, and a soft smile, every morning just before sunrise. Harry would always have tea prepared and waiting for Louis on the balcony. Every morning they would sit together and watch as the sky turned from dusty hues of pink and yellow to bright blue. Louis wasn’t sure how long their routine went on for. Time seemed like an invaluable thing now. He had long since decided to stop putting so much effort in keeping up with the days and just live in the moments he had left. His days were numbered, that much he knew, theirs all were. He just enjoyed spending his days with his friends and most importantly, Harry. The more time he spent with Harry, the more insight he got on Harry’s life before the virus. The more he learned, the more he found himself being drawn into the world of Harry. He picked up on the little things that Harry did out of habit, little quirks that Louis was finding more and more endearing by the second. The way Harry would ruffle his curls with both hands before pushing it out of his eyes, the way he would laugh so loud it startled him into clapping a hand over his mouth, the way he smiled biggest when Louis complimented him, the way he would casually run his fingers through Louis’ hair so softly; all of it, Louis liked all of it. Louis’ liked that Harry used to work in a bakery back home and would make flower crowns for his sister when she had a bad day and would sing to his mom if she was having trouble sleeping. Louis had never met someone with so much love radiating off of them. It was frightening and enchanting at the same time. And as summer bled into autumn, Louis could feel all his walls tumbling down, slowly but surely letting the curly haired boy into his heart and that was more terrifying than the nightmare transpiring the world around them. He hugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders to keep the chilly autumn air from seeping to his bones. The mug of tea heating the palms of his hands as he gingerly took a sip. No one else was wake yet except for Harry, just as it normally was. He was nervous about today. Today they would be leaving the sanctity of the secluded beach house to find more food and warmer clothes to last them through winter, hopefully. Winter was closing in fast; the leaves were piling up on the ground fast, leaving the trees appearing naked and bitter. Louis despised winter. He despised the bone chilling air that made his joints ache and left his skin dry.  
  
  
  
“Hey, Louis?”  
Louis hummed in response, not taking his eyes off the gold tinted sky.  
“Will you ever tell me what happened to her?”  
He didn’t necessarily fear this question. He just preferred to not speak of what happened to Eleanor. He kind of figured he owed it to Harry to tell him since Harry had finally told Louis what had happened to his sister. He could still see the tears rimming Harry’s eyes as harry spoke of calling his mom only to find out his sister had caught the virus and was sick, slowly dying. He held Harry when Harry explained how he had tried to call her again the next day but no one answered. It had been like that up until the reception towers went out. Harry calling his mom’s, sisters, and house phone multiple times a day with no answer each time. Of course Harry just assumed the worst and why wouldn’t he? His sister had the virus, his sister had died and then his mom disappeared too. It was blatantly obvious what had ensued. Louis just hoped he never had to see Harry that way again. It absolutely broke his heart to hear the whimpers that came from Harry’s sob wrecked throat and to see those lively green eyes so dull and empty. Louis owed it to Harry to be honest.  
  
  
  
“We were-uh-“He rubbed furiously at his eye, trying to stall and find the right words to say,  
“Zayn and I had left her in the store to make sure it was alright to come back out, ya know?”  
His voice cracked at recounting the horrific event that took place that day. Harry reached over the small table separating them, taking Louis’ hand in his on and squeezing reassuringly. Louis appreciated that gesture. That knowing Harry as there for him, right beside him.  
“I didn’t know- I just thought- it looked alright, yeah? I didn’t see it. Not until it was right on her. Didn’t even hear it.”  
Louis gulped as he remembered the way she screamed when it sunk its teeth into her flesh. Blood pouring down her shoulder, her eyes scrunched up in pain. He tightened his hold on Harry’s hand.  
“It bit her. Zayn had to- to shoot it? But the damage had been done. She begged me.”  
He closed his eyes. Her words still strong in his mind, her pleading eyes and tear streaked cheeks and blood covered clothing.  
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t shoot her like she asked me to. I was holding her when she- uhm- when she died.”  
He had held her close, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words in her ear. He knew, she knew, they all knew what would happen. He just didn’t have it in him to shoot her, to kill her. She was like family. She and Zayn were the only people he had left and he just couldn’t do it, not while she was still herself anyways.  
“She came back. God, it was terrifying to see her come back. I didn’t have a choice then. I had to.”  
Harry had moved out of his chair, keeping his grip on Louis’ hand as he did. He slid into the space next to Louis and held him close. Louis savored the body heat emitting from Harry and leaned into his touch. He willed himself to not cry. He hasn’t cried in so long, but the sting of the tears was there in the corner of his eyes. He swallowed sharply to clear his throat, no, he wouldn’t cry. Crying wouldn’t bring her back. Crying wouldn’t solve anything; it would just make his throat raw and flush out his face. Harry pulled him closer, burying his nose into Louis’ hair and inhaling deeply. It was something he did quite often almost like he was trying to memorize Louis’ scent, but Louis didn’t mind. He found comfort in the way Harry would hold him. He found comfort in Harry in general.  
  
  
“Lou?”  
Louis hummed in response against Harry’s chest.  
“Do you think you could love me?”  
Louis did, he didn’t want to admit it given the circumstances. He didn’t want to fall in love. He didn’t want to go through the turmoil of falling out of love. It was better to keep a safe distance when it came to love. Better to keep your guard up and just survive without the distraction and anxiety.  
“You don’t want me. I’m broken. You can’t unbreak broken.”  
He was convinced he was broken. Broken from the virus, broken from watching his parents go through a divorce, broken from seeing his mother cry herself to sleep at night after drinking herself numb, broken from having to shoot his girlfriend, he was just broken and there was nothing he could do to fix it. Nothing he could do to rewind time and save his parents’ marriage, to save El from turning into a monster. Once things are set in motion there’s no stopping it and everything had been set in motion from the day he stepped foot on that plane for America. He thought then he was leaving all his problems behind him, starting over new, giving his screwed up life a second chance, but that ended up in the shit hole too. The way he saw it, his life has always been on a steady slope downhill and there was nothing anyone could do but sit back and watch as it unfurled.  
“You’re not broken, just bent.”

 

 

The thing about time is that it’s infinite. It doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. It can’t be rewound, it can’t be fast forwarded and it can’t be paused. It moves forward at its own pace leaving you behind to catch up. It takes a heavy toll on his mind that day, leaving him drowning in his own thoughts while he watches Niall, Ed, Cat, and Em climb into a separate vehicle and head into town in the opposite direction from himself, Harry, Liam, and Zayn. If Louis could just stop time and rewind it back just for that moment he would have begged them not to go. He would have thrown away the keys or thrown a tantrum, anything to keep the people he’s grown to care about from leaving his sight, but he lost his chance once again. He just didn’t _know_. He had no way of knowing that the supply store they went back to would be overrun with the infected. He had no way of knowing that gun fire would continue to resound in his head long after they escaped the confines of the brick walls inside the infest supply store. He had no way of knowing that in that one bleary eyed heart wrenching moment he could have lost Harry and Zayn too. Being pulled screaming and kicking from the building in Liam’s arms while his best friend and potentially the love of his life remained inside fighting for their lives was too much to handle in one day. Being shoved into the jeep with so much force it knocked the oxygen out of his lungs and watching the supply store slowly fade from his vision as Liam drove away leaving Zayn and Harry behind was too much on his heart. He could feel it being torn apart. He could literally feel his heart spasm from the amount of emotion building up inside himself. Liam had to carry him from the jeep back to the beach house. His legs refused to cooperate with his mind. His mind telling him to move back to safety while his heart was telling him to go back. _go back and get your boys_. _go back and claim what’s yours._ And he wanted to. He needed to go back. He didn’t want to leave them. “He told me to take you and run.” Liam had said softly long after the supply store had vanished in a blurry haze behind them. He didn’t give a fuck at that moment. Zayn’s wished were not something he particularly cared about. He cared about getting them back and having them safe.  
  
  
  
“In case I don’t ever get the chance to do this again.” Harry had whispered in his ear before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. Gentle and smooth, lingering and leaving the taste of sweet tea on his lips, just before Harry took off to back up Zayn. And he could still feel Harry’s lips on his. He could still feel his breath on his neck. And damn it he was in love with the mythology loving curly haired boy and given the chance he would finally admit it. It felt like hours, days, _years_ of Liam pacing the floors and peering out windows and Louis sitting on the floor digging at the skin on his arms with dull finger nails. It felt like years of Liam quietly begging everyone to come back safely and Louis biting his lip so hard it bled. But it felt like time had finally stopped when the front door swung open to reveal both Zayn and Harry standing in the threshold covered in dirt and blood. It felt like time had stopped and Louis forgot how to breathe because there he was alive and well standing in front of him with tattered clothing and relieved eyes. It felt like time was finally on his side when he flung himself into Harry’s arms and crashed his lips to Harry’s. Because there he was wrapped around Louis, kissing him like he never wanted to stop and he didn’t want him to stop. Quiet mumbles of “Never do that again.” And “I’m so sorry, Lou.” And tears were streaming down Louis’ face by the time they separated. It came as no surprise to see Zayn and Liam in the same position they had been just moments earlier; lips locked together, arms wrapped around the other holding tight enough to leave bruised and fingers digging into clothing like it was a pesky barrier that needed to be removed. But time doesn’t stop for anyone. It never has and it never will. It didn’t stop for Louis and Harry; it didn’t stop for Liam and Zayn. It certainly didn’t stop when Ed drug a shell shocked Niall through the door followed by a sobbing Emma. Time didn’t stop when Cat had been attacked. The only thing that stopped had been her heart.

 

 

Louis wished he possessed the power to rewind time. Maybe he could had saved Cat and prevented the inevitable following her death. It’s been said that love can make or break a person. You can rise with it or it can drown you. He’s witnessed it happen far too many times; people fall in love and they feel on top of the world like they are invincible and nothing can stop them, eventually the world is going to catch up to you and knock you back down to the ground leaving you shattered. Seeing the effects of a loved on dying is new to Louis. He knew the heart ache that came with falling out of love, but this was something entirely new to him. When someone leaves voluntarily you know that person is okay and that person will find happiness again, but when they’re ripped away from you unwillingly by _death_ , it takes on a whole new level of broken that Louis had never fathomed. Seeing Niall wither away day by day, never eating, barely sleeping, crying out when he does sleep; it as terrifying and a blow to the chest that he needed. It was a wakeup call like never before. It had him second guessing this _thing_ he had going on with Harry, whatever it was. Sure, he found comfort in falling asleep wrapped in Harry’s arms and nothing had ever tasted so sweet as Harry’s lips on his, but guilt and realization are heavy burdens that can’t be shook easily. He tried telling himself that Niall would overcome this. Niall is strong and eventually he will be okay. However, love is a complicated emotion that overrides the brain and dismisses logic in every form. To wake up to blood curdling screams and anxious shouts wasn’t how he pictured Niall overcoming his heart break. He curled himself into Zayn’s chest when Liam and Harry removed the body from the bathroom. He couldn’t bear to watch the lifeless form that had once held so much energy and so much life be carried away and buried. That was a solemn day for everyone. Never again to be graced with the loud obnoxious laughter and playful banter that had once been the life of the beach house. That’s what love is capable of, killing you slowly and then all at once. This nightmare was only becoming more surreal, days blending in together and time never slowing down to help them recuperate from their losses.

 

 

Winter had finally reared its ugly and bitter head, dousing the ground in a slew of white powder and slush. The cold can drain the life of anything it touches, even the sun was aware of that, shining lightly in a haze of silvery gold and hardly heating the world around it. This was his life now, trapped in daze of nightmares that never let up. Harry still remained by his side through it all, never giving up hope and never letting time intervene with the days he had left to share. Maybe that’s why Louis had finally given in and just let himself fall. Hope. It was a foreign concept to Louis before he had met Harry. Harry was full of hope, even after the virus broke out, after his sister had caught it, after cat’s death and Niall’s suicide; Harry still clung to hope.  
“See there, Lou?”  
Harry pointed towards the jagged edges of mountain rock that jutted out into the depth of the ocean. Louis craned his neck, tugging the hood of his jacket higher around his cheeks.  
“It’s a crane, Lou, a crane!”  
And yes, Louis could make out the silhouette of a crane perched delicately upon the rocks edge basking in what little warmth the sun could provide in the blistering cold.  
“I reckon he’s the last one. He’s a survivor, yeah?”  
“Do you know what this means, Louis?”  
No, he didn’t.  
“It means there’s still hope.”  
That day held fond memories for the both of them. In Harry’s overwhelming excitement upon discovering possibly the last living bird he had drug Louis back to the beach house and promptly had Ed whip out the old tattooing kit and ink two swallows onto this collar bones. Louis held Harry’s hand through the whole process, watching in amazement has the needle repeatedly jabbed into Harry’s delicate skin leaving black ink in its wake. Hope. Louis wanted to capture hope the way Harry had. Wanted to know what it was like to cling to something so impossible that it actually made sense.  
  
  
  
  
  
“See this one,” Harry ran a finger gently over one of the finished swallows permanently engraved on his chest, “It’s you. And this one,” His finger slid over to the opposite swallow, “Is me. We’re birds, Lou, We can spread our wings and take to the sky whenever we want. We can escape this place. Just you and me. We can conquer the world, know why?”  
Louis knew why. Louis finally knew why Harry had held on to hope for so long.  
“We have hope. We have love, babe, you and me.”  
And for the second time since the nightmare started, Louis cried. He cried for the love that Harry bathed him in, he cried for the freedom they longed for, he cried for the hope that Harry so desperately believed in. His lovely naïve Harry. That’s the night he finally gave himself to Harry fully. A tangle of limbs writhing together, a chorus of moans and pants, the brush of fingertips so softly against new skin begging to be explored and kisses so heated, so passionate, it left him seeing stars. That’s the night he finally let go of everything negative and allowed himself to feel.  
  
  
  
But time is not kind, nor will it ever be. People were always born to die. Life was never fair and Louis finally understood why. He traced the indentions of the barrel, the metal gun weighing heavy in his hands. A faint outline of his own swallow tattoo could be seen under the moonlight. Hope was just a fantasy and Love was just mirage. Death was imminent. It always had been. He expected the end would come soon, but he never imagined it would come so quick. He never suspected his heart would be left empty and hollow when it happened. It was a risk he knew he was taking when he fell in love and believed in hope. The day Harry was taken from him is not a day he wants to look back on. He doesn’t want to remember the pain that followed the gun shot. He dug his toes into the sand and gazed up at the moon. He wondered if Harry was watching him now, waiting for him to finally come home and rejoin him at his side. He wondered if Niall and Cat would be holding hands and smiling when he arrived. He wondered if his mom and sisters would hug him and welcome him back with melodic laughter. It was another chance he was willing to take just to be reunited with those he loved. He knew Zayn would be okay, he still had Liam to take care of him and Ed and Emma to hold him strong. Yes, Zayn would be a survivor. He always was, he didn’t need Louis anymore. He had left his final words written on a torn piece of notebook paper on Zayn’s bedside table to find when morning came. Louis wasn’t worried. He wasn’t hurting anymore. He had rediscovered hope in the form of a bullet. As he continued to gaze up at the moon, he envisioned Harry’s bright green eyes and dimpled smile beaming down at him. It was enough reassurance for him to raise the barrel to his temple and smile as he whispered,  
“The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys,   
I'm so sorry. I cried when I wrote this and I still tear up when I read it.   
Let me know what you think?   
I would love to know if I should write another   
One.


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